Another week of service in the good ol’ pediatric ICU for me means it’s time to bring back the skinny post. This weeks tiers are courtesy of the mouth of Randy Moss. Also, I kind of hate this week from a gambling standpoint as you’ll note by the tier discrepancies.

Tier 1: Straight Cash Homie (Season Record: 3-8)

Jaguars -2.5 over Texans

The full quote is, “When you’re rich you don’t write checks…straight cash homie.” I wouldn’t know.

Jacksonville is a good football team. Evidence suggests Houston is not.

Tier 2: I Play When I Wanna Play (Season Record: 8-6)

Seahawks -2.5 over Broncos

Two stellar defenses, but Seattle has the only decent offense.

Tier 3: Excluding Nobody, I’m the Best Player in the NFL (Season Record: 10-8)

Eagles +1.5 over Panthers

Steelers -2.5 over Bucs

Raiders +5.5 over Bills

Commanders +7.5 over 49ers

The vibes aren’t great in Philly, but how often do we get to bet a team this talented as a home ‘dog?

Jalon Daniels looked like an NFL quarterback against the Cowboys last week, but that might be because Dallas doesn’t have an NFL defense.

Las Vegas is frisky. I think they can be even friskier at home against a team crossing two time zones.

San Francisco has been the best team in football through five weeks, so this could look dumb…but Washington is competitive with Jayden Daniels.

Tier 4: Did I Say Anything Stupid Today? (Season Record: 10-10)

Falcons +1.5 over Bears

Patriots -7.5 over Jets

Colts -6.5 over Titans

Packers -1.5 over Cowboys

I’m as shocked as you are. Atlanta might be good.

I want no part of betting the Jets…

Ditto for the Titans.

(Kind of?) ditto for the Cowboys.

Tier 5: The Moon Looks Kinda Blue Tonight (Season Record: 7-7-1)

Browns +5.5 over Ravens

Giants +1.5 over Saints

Cardinals +12.5 over Rams

Chargers +8.5 over Chiefs

Just look up the quote.

I should want no part of betting the Browns…but they are playing Back Door Baltimore.

The Saints and I were in an unhealthy, codependent relationship…it was time for a little break.

Twelve-and-a-half is a ton of points in week six.

Kansas City has a long history of playing with its food.

Last Week: 9-5

Season Record: 38-39-1

Cover Photo Courtesy of Todd Buchanan/Pioneer Press