Week 14 NFL Picks: Just The Picks…and One-Liners

With a busy week of night shifts this week, all I have time to do is give you the picks. However, because I like to give you some justification and have a pathological need to explain myself, you do get a nice little one line explanation. Since the one-liner is a great comedic art will do tiers this week based on some classic comedians.

Tier 1: George Carlin (Season Record- 15-20-1)

Jets +10 over Bills- Please explain to me what in the last month of play suggests the Bills should beat the Jets by double digits…other than the possible Zach Wilson sabotage.

Eagles -7 over Giants- I’m always wrong on the Eagles so maybe this is a bad idea, but the Giants roster is so depleted.

Bengals -5.5 over Browns- Don’t be afraid of the Vegas zone. The Bengals are rolling. That was two lines…sorry.

Tier 2: Eddie Murphy (Season Record- 14-25)

Vikings +1.5 over Lions- The Vikings have won twice as many games as the Lions…and it’s Week 14, not Week 4.

Titans -3.5 over Jaguars- Bounceback game for Tennessee.

Tier 3: Mitch Hedberg (Season Record- 21-20)

Cowboys -17.5 over Texans- Houston’s awful

Chiefs -9.5 over Broncos- Denver’s also awful

Dolphins -3 over Chargers- Slightly concerned about Miami going cross-country, but it’s a night game and the Chargers seem lost.

Tier 4: Richard Pryor (Season Record- 20-14-4)

Rams +6.5 over Raiders- (Disclaimer: I bet this last night you can text me for the betslip). Did we forget that Las Vegas sucks?

49ers -3.5 over Bucs- I know it’s Brock Purdy against Tom Brady, but San Fran’s defense is easily worth a touchdown over this stinky Tampa Bay team.

Patriots -1.5 over Cardinals- Bill Belichick or Kliff Kingsbury…who would you pick?

Tier 5: Dane Cook….jk Dave Chappelle (Season Record- 26-13-1)

Steelers -1.5 over Ravens- No Lamar and Baltimore’s offense was bad with him.

Seahawks -4 over Panthers- Seattle is fading down the stretch, but Carolina has been at rock bottom

Last Week’s Record: 9-6

Season Record: 96-93-6

Cover Photo Courtesy of George Walker IV/Tennessean.com/USA TODAY Sports

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