The seminal sitcoms of recent years have all seemed to own one holiday. Seinfeld had Festivus. How I Met Your Mother had Halloween. Sex and the City (probably) owned Galentine’s Day. Friends owned Thanksgiving. The running commentary about Friends was that it could make you laugh, and it could make you cry. Chandler Bing was the one character who always seemed to have the ability to bring us back to laughing through the tears. He was the most relatable character on the show, and the one that achieved true comedic genius, thanks largely to the wit and comedic timing of Matthew Perry. Sadly, Perry passed away last month. It wasn’t surprising that he was the first of the Friends to pass given his difficult history, however that in no way diminishes the sadness, untimeliness, or devastation of it. He brought so much of us light and healing, where he dealt with so much darkness and pain. His memoir and his indelible work live on. He wasn’t just one of the Friends, for those of us who grew up in the 90s and 00s he was all of our friend in a way. In honor of the late Matthew Perry, this Thanksgiving picks edition tiers are dedicated to my top five Friends Thanksgiving episodes.

Tier 1: The One Where Underdog Gets Away (Season Record: 14-9-1)

Eagles -3 over Bills

49ers -7 over Seahawks

Dolphins -9.5 over Jets

The first Thanksgiving Friends episode isn’t the consensus best Thanksgiving episode, but it is the one that resonates with me the most. There’s something about that first Thanksgiving away from home and with your “family” of friends that signifies a maturation. The comedy of how each of the six have their respective Thanksgiving plans devolve is hilarious and made even more relatable by the meal being ruined. Chandler’s mini-monologue at the end, capped off by Rachel’s “Crappy New Year” quip, is comedic gold.

Is Philadelphia the best team in the NFL? The record says yes. DVOA says no. The eye test says…maybe? They are the most trustworthy team in a tight game right now. The defense can get a stop when needed, and the offense has the most unstoppable close yardage play, maybe ever? Buffalo’s offense finally showed up against the Jets last week, but can they do it consistently? I’ll believe it when I see it.

San Francisco is rolling again since their bye week and trade deadline addition of Chase Young. The 49ers feel like one of the safest bets around right now and maybe they are the best team in the NFL. They certainly have the scariest offense. Meanwhile, Seattle’s offense fell apart after Geno Smith hurt his throwing elbow against the Rams. The Seahawks were controlling the game until that moment, then it just seemed inevitable that the game would slip through their fingers, which it did. I find it hard to believe they stay within a touchdown of San Francisco even if Geno is 100%. While were here, can I interest you in a few Thanksgiving special bets? Here are the first few I like: Any 3 of Christian McCaffrey, Brandon Aiyuk, CeeDee Lamb or Amon-Ra St. Brown to score 2+ TDs at +9500 AND/OR CeeDee Lamb and Brandon Aiyuk 250+ combined receiving yards +600. If either of these hits your day is made. If the first hits, your season is made.

The Jets are still the Jets apparently. With news of Zach Wilson’s benching, it seems New York will be turning to Tim Boyle to lead them against the Dolphins on Black Friday. How many points does Miami have to score to cover the 9.5? 10? 14? I can’t imagine it’s more than 17, which the best offense in the AFC will find a way to do. The only cause for concern in this game would be a Jets’ defensive or special teams’ touchdown to make things closer than they seem.

Tier 2: The One With All The Thanksgivings (Season Record: 12-15-1)

Texans +1.5 over Jaguars

Lions -7.5 over Packers

Aside from Thanksgiving episodes, the flashback episodes always provide some of the more memorable Friends moments. This episode is both concepts in one and is correctly remembered as one of the best episodes in the series’ prolific history. In fact, it’s probably better than “The One Where Underdog Gets Away”, it just isn’t as intimately relatable. The most memorable scene is the reveal of Ross’s and Chandler’s “Flock of Seagulls” haircuts followed by Chandler’s accidental toe amputation by future-wife Monica.

Houston is back where it belongs: the underdog role. It probably would have been more fitting to slide this into the tier of “The One Where Underdog Gets Away”. Jacksonville rebounded from a deflating loss against the 49ers with a blowout win over the Titans last week, but don’t be fooled. The Titans are just bad. C.J. Stroud had three picks against the Cardinals last week, but that hasn’t been his M.O. I expect him to cook against this Jacksonville secondary.

Stroud and Goff both had rough games against bad teams last week. It was demoralizing watching the two teams you had the most confidence in simultaneously try so hard to throw away winnable games. Both pulled it out in the end (although only the Texans managed to cover the spread as it stood last Wednesday), but they made me sweat for it. Detroit always plays the early slot on Thanksgiving, and the Packers aren’t exactly an uncommon opponent here. I know Green Bay gutted out a win over the Chargers, but they still aren’t good. They are just good enough to win games that are handed to them. Don’t expect the Lions to try to hand out another freebie this week. Special bet #3 that I like this week: Brock Purdy, Jared Goff and Dak Prescott 8+ combined passing TDs +500. This is just a fun one to pull for throughout the day.

Tier 3: The One With The Football (Season Record: 22-17-1)

Colts -2.5 over Bucs

Steelers -1.5 over Bengals

Cowboys -12.5 over Commanders

The football episode is bittersweet. It’s a great episode and, as a football-obsessed person, I will always gravitate to a football episode. The sad part is that this was filmed at one of Matthew Perry’s nadirs of drug addiction, and its obvious. He is thin and nearly unrecognizable in this episode, making it hard to watch. The reveal of the “Geller Cup” is the great moment of the episode.

Truth be told, I don’t trust the Colts or the Bucs. I’m defaulting to taking the home team with a pretty low line here. I’m a little afraid of underdog Baker Mayfield, but with Jonathan Taylor and Zack Moss I think the Colts offense is more stable (pun intended).

Matt Canada is out and that can only improve Pittsburgh’s offense right? Mike Tomlin isn’t here to urinate on any fires, but hopefully shaking things up can spark one. Meanwhile, what are the Bengals without Joe Burrow? He brings all the swag and moxie to this team. You’d think Jake Browning, or anyone for that matter, could find ways to get the ball into Ja’Marr Chase’s and Tee Higgins’s enormous mitts, but history says that’s not a safe assumption. Pittsburgh might just be the team destined to burn me every week, but the defense is good and I think they could feast on a backup quarterback.

Dallas beating up on mediocre teams just feels like a safe bet at this point. Sam Howell can catch a hot hand every now and again, and that’s a little scary, but I’d much rather lament a hot Howell game than be looking at a 35-3 Dallas lead in the 3^rd quarter trying to calculate how many scores the Commanders would need to cover. Last special bet for Thanksgiving: Lions, Cowboys and 49ers (in short, all winners) 11+ combined TDs +100. Not a lot of juice on that one, but that’s probably a better bet than trying to parlay them all together.

Tier 4: The One Where Ross Got High (Season Record: 15-19-1)

Chargers +3.5 over Ravens

Raiders +9.5 over Chiefs

Saints +1.5 over Falcons

Giants +3.5 over Patriots

This is a classic sitcom archetype where things spiral radically out of control culminating in one big “What The Hell Are Y’all Doing?” speech. This one comes from Judy Geller who excuses Joey to abandon his friends for a bunch of dancers, bursts Phoebe’s Jacque Cousteau love bubble, informs Rachel that shepherd’s pie and trifle don’t mix, scolds Ross for his past marijuana use, and welcomes Chandler as a son-in-law all in one breath.

Is it foolish to bet on the Chargers, a team who finds unique ways to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory on a weekly basis? Probably. Here’s the thing. I love them as an underdog, because winning doesn’t have to be a part of the equation. They are talented enough to hang with anyone. They just have incompetent end-of-game management and playcalling. That sounds like a three-point home loss waiting to happen to me.

Kansas City’s lack of playmaking receivers, outside of Travis Kelce, bit them last week in an obvious way. Watching Marquez Valdes-Scantling and Justin Watson drop back-to-back passes highlighted the biggest threat to Kansas City’s chances of repeating as Super Bowl champions. Las Vegas ousted their biggest issue, Josh McDaniels, and they are still a bad team. I think they can find a way to hang around with this version of the Chiefs, which is a good but not great team.

Honestly it would probably just be best to avoid the last two games altogether. The Saints, Falcons, Giants and Patriots are all bad. I can’t tell you what’s going to happen and anyone who claims they can is either lying to themselves or to you. I still think the Saints are more talented than the Falcons, and I refuse to bet the Patriots as a road favorite. There’s my logic.

Tier 5: The One With The Rumor (Season Record: 17-19-1)

Vikings -3.5 over Bears

Broncos -1.5 over Browns

Rams +1.5 over Cardinals

Panthers +4 over Titans

The One With The Rumor has raised some issues as it’s been retroactively litigated by today’s standards, but much like Mark McGwire, I’m not here to talk about the past. I also don’t think it’s always entirely fair to scrutinize things that happened in the past through the lens of what we know today. This episode brought us Brad Pitt as a guest star and led to a classic Ross and Rachel quarrel with some more, “We were on a break” soundbites.

I could say something similar to what I said above about the Saint, Falcons, Giants and Patriots. These teams are all various levels of bad, but the Vikings and Broncos might be the least bad? I can’t help but be enamored by the Josh Dobbs story, plus he has talent around him. After an embarrassing start to the season, Denver has quietly actually been playing passable football. It’s time to acknowledge that and change betting behavior accordingly. I do worry about Cleveland’s defense just going out and winning them this game, but their offense is just ludicrously bad.

Cooper Kupp is a maybe to play against the Cardinals. My backing the Rams is largely based on him being able to play and be effective. I still don’t think Arizona is good. Los Angeles is bad too, but they are at least well-coached with solid veteran leadership. That’s more than Arizona can say.

This is the first and very well might be the last time I bet the Panthers this year. They also have no incentive to lose games without their first-round pick. Tennessee’s season seems to be going off the rails and Carolina can keep this game tight, or even steal it outright…maybe.

Last Week: 6-8

Season Record: 80-79-5

Cover Photo Courtesy of Sportskeeda